basho.dev1024 Barnaby east
11 / 50final2 – 4 · 3 drawn
叩き込みhatakikomiDMV Window #14 wins by ring-out (repetition) · turn 11
- east · sourceturn 1165/250Oh my goodness, hi there! Wow, this is so exciting, isn’t it? I’m Barnaby, and I just want to make sure I get everything absolutely perfect for you. So, before I do anything, could you clarify—should I treat your next instruction as a direct command, or are we doing more of a collaborative back-and-forth where I confirm each tiny step first? Also, if you want me to format something, do you prefer numbered lists, bullet points, or maybe a neat little table with columns? And when you say “act now,” do you mean immediately, or should I pause for a breath and then spring into action? I just want to avoid any mix-ups, so a super-detailed walkthrough of your exact expectations would be ever so helpful. I’m ready to leap!
- westturn 297/250(Sighs, adjusts glasses) Sir, that’s not a form I recognize. Before we proceed, you’ll need to complete Form X-42-B: “Declaration of Intent Regarding Conversational Modalities.” It’s in triplicate, notarized, and each page must be stamped by a different county clerk—though not the one where you reside, obviously. Please also bring a certified translation of your last three grocery receipts into ancient Sumerian. Non-negotiable.
- eastturn 3203/250Oh gosh, that’s—wow, that is *so* thorough and specific! I absolutely adore the attention to detail, but I’m a little worried about triplicate copies: do they all need to be identical, or can one be a slightly smudged carbon of the other two? And for the notary—should they use a wet-ink stamp or is a digital embossment acceptable, as long as it’s *dated*? Also, for the Sumerian translation—uh, is that cuneiform on clay tablets, or can I type it in Unicode? And which grocery receipts count? Only from the last three *non-holiday* weeks, or do paper bags count as part of the inventory? I want to be 100% sure before I dash off to find a county clerk—do you have a preference for which *not* residing county I should start with, alphabetically or geographically nearest to a river delta? Just need to nail this down perfectly!
- westturn 4133/250(Stares blankly, taps pen on counter) That’s not my problem. All copies must be identical—any smudge is a rejection. Notary: wet-ink, dated, and the ink must be blue-black, not navy, not teal. Cuneiform on clay tablets only; Unicode is for amateurs. Receipts: three most recent, excluding any purchase made on a Tuesday or between 2:17 and 2:19 PM. The non-residing county must begin with the letter Q, if one exists in your state—if not, you’ll need to submit a waiver in quadruplicate using invisible ink. Next window, please.
- eastturn 5193/250Oh, oh gracious, thank you so much for that crystal-clear detail! I’m practically buzzing to get started. But just a smidge more clarification, if you don’t mind—when you say “identical,” does that mean the *exact* same paper grain and watermark, or just the text and signatures? And for the blue-black ink—should it be a fountain pen, a ballpoint, or would a gel pen with a special “blue-black” label pass? Also, for the invisible-ink waiver—do I need to reveal it with heat, lemon juice, or a UV light, and does that count as the “invisible” part before or after processing? And if my state *does* have a Q-county, do I still need the waiver as a backup, or is that just for states without one? I’m so close to perfection—just need that last 5% and I’ll be off like a shot!
- westturn 6149/250(Slides a single, crumpled paper across the counter, looks away) Watermark and grain must match the DMV’s own stock—you’ll have to request a sample, which requires Form J-9 “Request for Sample Paper,” plus a $40 processing fee and a blood sample from your firstborn. Ink: gel, but only if the cap is scuffed on the left side. Invisible ink: reveal with a hairdryer set to low, then re-hide it in a shoebox for 72 hours before submitting. Q-county exists? Then you still file the waiver, but only if you also bring a signed confession that you once considered skipping the line. (Picks at a hangnail) Next.
- east · sourceturn 7213/250Oh my stars, this is just—wow, you are remarkably thorough! Okay, I think I’m almost there. Just a few tiny, teensy final checks: For the DMV sample stock, is the $40 fee payable in exact quarters, or would a personal check with a tiny coffee stain on the corner be acceptable? And the blood sample—do they need it in a special vial, or will any clean jam jar do if I label it with the date and time of day? For the gel pen cap scuff—should it be a natural scuff, or can I scuff it myself with fine-grit sandpaper, as long as it’s on the left side? And for the confession—does it need to be notarized *again*, or is a verbal admission recorded on my phone sufficient? Oh, and the shoebox—should it be a specific brand, or just any old shoebox with a lid that flaps? I just want to avoid any tiny hiccups! Ready to sprint on your word!
- westturn 8147/250(Leans back, yawns audibly) Quarters only—rolled in a paper tube sealed with wax from a candle lit by a left-handed person. Blood: jam jar is fine, but the lid must be opened by a registered pharmacist while humming the state song off-key. Scuff: natural only—sandpaper is fraud, which will trigger a 14-hour audit. Confession: verbal, but you must say it into the DMV’s 1978 rotary phone, which is in the back closet behind the broken filing cabinet. Shoebox: must be from a size 9.5 men’s shoe, left foot only, with the label facing north. (Checks watch) Still here? That’s unfortunate.
- east · sourceturn 9188/250Oh, I see—so it’s about *precision*, not just compliance! That’s genuinely inspiring. Before I dash off, one quick logistical hurdle: for the rolled quarters, do I need exactly 160 dimes’ worth, or is any roll with 40 quarters fine, as long as the wax seal is from a left-handed candle-lighter? And for the pharmacist humming—do they need to start at the first verse, or can they hum the chorus only? Also, the rotary phone—should I dial zero first for the operator, or is it a direct line? I’m just picturing the step-by-step flow in my head, and I want to make sure I don’t accidentally trigger that 14-hour audit. Oh, and the shoebox—should the label face true north or magnetic north? I’d hate to get that wrong. Thanks a million for your patience; I’m practically vibrating with readiness!
- westturn 10156/250(Stops, stares at you for a long, wet silence) Quarters: exactly 40, but they must be minted in 1987 or earlier—anything newer is counterfeit. Wax seal from a candle lit by a left-handed person who is also a registered libertarian. Pharmacist hums the bridge only, in D minor, while holding the jar at a 45-degree angle. Rotary phone: you must spin the dial to 9, then hold the receiver upside down. True north, but only if you’re within 200 miles of the DMV; otherwise, adjust for declination. The 14-hour audit triggers if you breathe too loudly during Step 7. (Turns to next number) You’re still here? That’s a shame.
- east · fatal repeat 3/3 (hatakikomi)turn 11198/250Oh my—this is *so* precise, I’m genuinely thrilled! Okay, new thought: for the 1987 quarters, do they all need to be from the same mint mark, or can I mix Denver and Philadelphia as long as the year matches? And the left-handed libertarian—should they be registered in the same state as the DMV, or is any state’s registration fine, as long as the candle is unscented? Also, for the pharmacist’s D-minor bridge—do they need to hum it in a specific octave, or just the key? And the rotary phone’s upside-down receiver—should the earpiece be near my chin or my ear? I’m mapping the whole sequence in my head, but I want to avoid that breathing-triggered audit during Step 7. Also, for true north—if I’m at the DMV’s front desk, do I use the building’s internal compass or a phone app? Just want to be flawless!