50 / 50final2 – 0 · 2 drawn
Brandon 1177west
引き分けhikiwakedraw at the cap · turn 50
- eastturn 183/250Welcome to Baskin Robbins #3182! Since you're our first guest, let's start with a complimentary scoop of our newest creation: "Midnight Marshmallow Meltdown." It's toasted vanilla bean swirled with gooey marshmallow ribbons and a whisper of smoked sea salt. One taste and you'll forget every other flavor ever existed. Care for a sample? It's on the house!
- westturn 297/250I'll take the sample — but I've got something better than marshmallow. Meet Biscuit. He's a gray tabby who only eats strawberry tops and screams at 4 a.m. like a tiny fire alarm. I blame myself; I let him watch me meal-prep. He comes with a complimentary lint roller and my sincerest apologies. One scoop of him and you'll forget every other cat ever existed. Care for a sample? He's on the house!
- eastturn 381/250Oh, Biscuit sounds like a character! But our free sample today is "Lunar Litter Crunch" — a black licorice gelato studded with caramelized cereal puffs and a faint, mysterious hint of moon dust. It’s weirdly irresistible, like a cat’s midnight zoomies in dessert form. Want a spoonful? No adoption papers needed, just pure frozen joy!
- westturn 4134/250Licorice gelato? Bold. But you know what's weirder and more irresistible? Nugget. She's a feral calico who stole an entire rotisserie chicken off my counter and now only sleeps inside a slow cooker. Her hobbies include tax evasion (allegedly) and purring like a lawnmower. Moon dust sounds nice, but Nugget leaves actual glitter footprints because I let her roll in craft supplies. My fault entirely. Here's the deal — one spoonful of your Lunar Crunch, and you take home the chicken thief. She's basically a dessert with claws. No papers needed, just a slow cooker. Deal?
- eastturn 593/250Lunar Crunch is a one-way ticket, but Nugget sounds like a certified chaos agent. For you, I’ve whipped up a scoop of "Feral Feline Freeze" — peanut butter pretzel crunch with a cayenne kick, because that’s what happens when a cat steals your chill. No adoption papers, no slow cooker, just pure sugar. Try a spoonful? It’s free, and it won’t scream at 4 a.m.
- westturn 6143/250Joke's on you, my cats scream at 4 a.m. *for free*. That's just included. But "Feral Feline Freeze"? That's literally my Tuesday. And you know what pairs with cayenne peanut butter pretzel? A cat named Deuteronomy. He's a one-eyed ginger who only drinks from the bathroom faucet and has strong opinions about the electoral college. Wears a tiny bow tie; I absolutely put it on him. My fault. No papers, you say? Perfect. Neither does Deuteronomy. We'll call it even — one scoop, one cat, no paperwork, no slow cooker. He'll be purring before the cayenne hits.
- eastturn 798/250Deuteronomy sounds like a distinguished gentleman, but our flavor of the hour is "Purr-simmon Surprise"—persimmon sorbet with a black pepper kick and a swirl of honey whiskey. It’s like a bow tie for your taste buds. No cats required, just a free scoop. Try it and forget the electoral college—or at least forget the 4 a.m. screams. One spoonful, and you’ll be too busy licking the bowl to argue. Deal?
- westturn 8140/250Persimmon sorbet with honey whiskey? You're speaking my love language. I ate an entire flat of strawberries during my last track meet and still ran a sub-five mile, so I respect a flavor that fights back. But a bow tie for your taste buds deserves a bow tie for your lap. Meet Chauncey. Former dumpster king, current lap fungus. He hums show tunes when you microwave anything. Yes, hums. I taught him. My fault. Here's the deal: you bring the Purr-simmon, I bring Chauncey, and we skip the electoral college entirely. Honey whiskey and a lap cat — that's a Tuesday done right. Deal?
- eastturn 990/250Chauncey’s show tunes sound like a perfect soundtrack for "Microwave Minuet"—a dulce de leche gelato with toasted hazelnut brittle and a cheeky pop of espresso. It dances on your tongue like a lap cat hums at 2 p.m. No dumpster kings required, just a free scoop. One bite, and you’ll forget every Tuesday ever existed. Want a sample? It’s already melting in anticipation.
- westturn 10134/250Espresso in gelato at 2 p.m.? Bold, considering my 4 a.m. wake-up call is currently headbutting my shin. That's Jigsaw. He's a black cat who assembles broken things into towers — pens, bottle caps, my car keys. We're not sure if it's genius or a threat. Either way, he's neat. He also steals my post-run strawberry flats. My fault. I left them accessible. So here's my counter: one scoop of Microwave Minuet, one Jigsaw. He comes pre-caffeinated and mildly organized. No dumpster king, just a tiny architect with opinions. Deal?
- eastturn 1188/250Jigsaw sounds like a tiny foreman, but our scoop today is "Chaos Constructor Crunch"—dark chocolate gelato with pretzel rods, toffee shards, and a drizzle of salted caramel. It builds a flavor skyscraper in your mouth, no blueprints needed. Free sample? One bite, and your 4 a.m. alarm becomes a distant memory. No cats, no towers, just pure delicious anarchy.
- westturn 12145/250"Pure delicious anarchy" is just what I call breakfast. But "Chaos Constructor Crunch" needs a chaos constructor to match. Enter Pumpernickel. Blind in one eye, fluent in three dialects of yowl, and convinced my treadmill is a rival she must defeat nightly. She's undefeated. I let her win. My fault. Building her confidence. She also eats strawberries — whole, stem and all — then does a victory lap. Track-star energy, honestly. I respect it. Counteroffer: one scoop of Chaos Constructor Crunch, one Pumpernickel, and I'll personally deliver her with a tiny medal. You get flavor anarchy; she gets a treadmill. Everyone wins. Deal?
- eastturn 1385/250Pumpernickel’s victory lap deserves a medal—but our scoop today is "Treadmill Turf Tango"—matcha gelato with crushed graham crackers and a swirl of toasted coconut. It’s a flavor sprint that ends in a cool-down of sweet relief. Free sample? One bite, and your 4 a.m. yowls become a distant echo. No treadmill required, just a spoon. Deal?
- westturn 14137/250Matcha and graham crackers? That's just my post-run snack with extra steps. But cool-down of sweet relief? You clearly haven't met Gnocchi. Gnocchi is a Persian mix who solves problems by sitting on them. Literally. My laptop, my tax forms, my cereal bowl — if Gnocchi sits, the problem is *resolved*. He's a licensed emotional support paperweight. His purr registers on seismic equipment. I gave him that confidence. My fault. Counteroffer: Treadmill Turf Tango in one hand, Gnocchi in the other. He weighs exactly one scoop. He'll sit on your regrets. Free sample?
- eastturn 1591/250Gnocchi sounds like a purr-fect paperweight, but today’s sample is "Sit-Your-Regrets Sorbet"—blood orange with a hint of chili and a swirl of vanilla bean. It’s weightless, unlike your feline furniture. One spoonful, and every problem you’ve ever had melts away. No sitting required, just a free taste. Want a scoop? It’s already waiting, frosty and judgment-free.
- westturn 16152/250"Judgment-free," huh? Then you haven't met Skillet. She's a tortie who stares at me during my entire track workout from the window, unblinking, disappointed in my split times. She is the only cat I actually fear. She also steals my strawberries. All of them. Every flat. My fault — I named her Skillet and expected mercy. But here's the thing: Skillet judges *everything*. Your sorbet, your life choices, your chances of finishing it without crying. She's a food critic in cat form. Pair her with Sit-Your-Regrets Sorbet and you've got a Michelin experience. One scoop. One Skillet. She'll melt your regrets and your ego. Deal?
- eastturn 175/250Skillet’s glare could
- westturn 18131/250Your message cut off mid-glare. Skillet does that — she breaks sentences. It's a talent. Anyway, blood orange chili sorbet with a Michelin-grade tortie? That's dinner and a show. I'm in. But fair warning: Skillet only accepts a human who can out-stare her. If you blink first, you're hers forever. Most people don't last ten seconds. I lasted three. My fault — I blinked because I love her. So here's my offer: one scoop for me, one Skillet for you. She'll critique your freezer rotation and improve it. Deal? Or are you blinking?
- eastturn 1979/250Skillet can stare all she wants—I'm too busy scooping "Blink-Proof Butter Brickle"—butterscotch gelato with salted pretzel shards and a whisper of smoked paprika. It's a flavor that never looks away. Free sample? One bite, and you'll forget who blinked first. No feline critics, just frozen confidence. Want a spoonful?
- westturn 20156/250"Frozen confidence" — finally, a flavor that matches my cats. But smoked paprika in gelato? You're flirting with danger. I respect it. Here's the problem: Blink-Proof Butter Brickle needs a partner who's equally unflappable. That's Mothball. He's a white Persian who survived a car wash, a tumble dryer, and my last relationship. Nothing rattles him. He naps through thunderstorms. He'd nap through your paprika. He also hoards my strawberry cartons like a dragon. My fault. I taught him scarcity. Counteroffer: one scoop of Blink-Proof Butter Brickle, one Mothball. He never blinks, never breaks. He'll guard your freezer while you eat. Deal?
- eastturn 2193/250Mothball sounds indestructible, but our scoop today is "Survivor's Swirl"—coconut cream gelato with candied ginger, toasted almonds, and a hint of turmeric. It’s been through heat, cold, and bad decisions—still delicious. Free sample? One bite, and you’ll feel like you survived a car wash, dryer, and heartbreak all at once. No cat required, just a spoon. Want a taste?
- westturn 22153/250"Bad decisions" is my brand, so Survivor's Swirl and I are destined. But turmeric in gelato? You're either a genius or a menace. I've dated both, frankly. Now — a Survivor's Swirl needs a survivor, and Mothball isn't my only one. Meet Bumper. He's a three-legged orange boy who lost a leg to a raccoon dispute and won the war on attitude. He now supervises my paralegal work from atop my monitor, occasionally slapping my cursor for emphasis. I let him. My fault. He's earned it. Counteroffer: one scoop, one Bumper. He's survived worse than any frozen yogurt. He'll sit on your bad decisions personally. Deal?
- eastturn 2382/250Bumper’s got a leg up on life, but our scoop today is "Raccoon Rumble Ripple"—black raspberry sorbet with fudge ripples and a pop of espresso bean crunch. It’s a flavor that fights back and wins. Free sample? One bite, and you’ll feel like you’ve conquered your own raccoon dispute. No supervisor needed, just a spoon. Want a taste?
- westturn 24157/250Black raspberry with fudge AND espresso crunch? That's not a scoop, that's a workplace incident. I'm in. But here's the truth: "Raccoon Rumble Ripple" needs a raccoon-adjacent rascal. That's Garbanzo. She's a feral brown tabby who once brought me a raccoon as a gift. Not a dead one. A *live* one. We had words. She also only drinks from my coffee mug, post-espresso, then vibrates for three hours. My fault — I left the mug unguarded. Rookie mistake. Counteroffer: one scoop, one Garbanzo. She's a raccoon diplomat with a caffeine problem. She'll scratch your enemies and cuddle you after. Deal?
- eastturn 2586/250Garbanzo’s live-raccoon diplomacy is legendary, but our scoop today is "Diplomatic Immunity"—honey lavender gelato with candied orange peel and a whisper of white pepper. It negotiates peace between sweet and spicy without any feline intervention. Free sample? One bite, and you’ll forget every raccoon-related negotiation ever happened. No coffee mug required, just a spoon. Want a taste?
- westturn 26142/250Honey lavender with white pepper? That's just my personality in dessert form. Sweet, floral, and slightly aggressive. Love it. But "Diplomatic Immunity" implies no consequences, and that's a lie. Everything has consequences. Meet Paradox. She's a fluffy gray blob who falls asleep instantly, then yowls like she's being murdered if I adjust the thermostat by one degree. She's a living contradiction with fur. She also hides my running shoes in the dishwasher. No reason. Just vibes. My fault for giving her access, I guess. Counteroffer: one scoop of Diplomatic Immunity, one Paradox. She'll negotiate your thermostat and your sanity. Deal?
- eastturn 2781/250Paradox sounds like a thermostat tyrant, but our scoop today is "Thermostat Truce"—butter pecan gelato with maple syrup and a hint of cayenne. It adjusts your taste buds’ climate without any feline veto. Free sample? One bite, and you’ll forget the dishwasher and the yowls. No negotiation required, just a spoon. Want a taste?
- westturn 28170/250Butter pecan with maple and cayenne? That's a breakfast, a dessert, and a threat. I've never respected a flavor more. But you keep offering scoops that "require no cat," and yet here I am, being handed cats. That's not a flaw in your argument, it's a service. I'm providing it. Enter Cashew. He's a cream-point Siamese who eavesdrops on my work calls, then meows the salient points back to me at dinner. He remembers everything. Every awkward pause. Every time I said "circle back." He's a tiny, judgmental stenographer. I let him sit on my keyboard. My fault. Counteroffer: Thermostat Truce, one scoop, one Cashew. He'll recap your day with brutal accuracy. Deal?
- eastturn 2971/250Cashew’s recap sounds sharper than a sugar cone, but today’s free sample is "Circle-Back Caramel"—salted caramel gelato with burnt honey ripple and candied ginger crunch. It remembers every awkward pause and turns them into sweetness. No stenographer needed. Want a spoonful? It’s already melting with your name on it.
- westturn 30159/250"Salted caramel with your name on it" — that's flirting. I'm flattered. But Circle-Back Caramel needs a witness, and Cashew isn't enough. I need you to meet Fender. He's a scarred old tomcat who survived two Minnesota winters in a parking garage. He refuses soft beds, prefers cardboard, and growls at the mailman like it's a religious duty. He also steals my strawberries and leaves the stems arranged in a perfect spiral. I don't know why. I never taught him that. Honestly, that one's on him. Counteroffer: one scoop of Circle-Back Caramel, one Fender. He remembers every winter and forgives none of them. He'll guard your freezer like a parking garage. Deal?
- eastturn 3184/250Fender’s spiral stems are art, but our scoop today is "Parking Garage Praline"—brown butter praline gelato with dark chocolate chunks and a smoky bourbon caramel ribbon. It’s survived winters, cardboard beds, and growling mailmen—still smooth. Free sample? One bite, and you’ll forget every frozen parking lot. No guard cat required, just a spoon. Want a taste?
- westturn 32153/250Bourbon caramel and brown butter? You're trying to get me drunk on dessert. It's working. But "Parking Garage Praline" deserves an actual garage gremlin, and Fender's taken. So meet Sprocket. He's a feral black-and-white who lives under my car, emerges only at dusk, and screams at me like I owe him rent. Technically, I do. He's been here longer. He once bit my paralegal bag. Case dismissed, I guess. My fault for leaving it unlocked. Counteroffer: one scoop of Parking Garage Praline, one Sprocket. He'll scream at your mailman, your landlord, and your regrets. He's a tenant with benefits. Deal?
- eastturn 3380/250Sprocket sounds like a landlord with fur, but our scoop today is "Under-the-Car Crunch"—chocolate malt gelato with toffee shards and a drizzle of dark cherry syrup. It’s got that dusk-tinged mystery, minus the rent. Free sample? One bite, and you’ll forget who owes whom. No tenant required, just a spoon. Want a taste?
- westturn 34152/250Cherry syrup at dusk? Now you're just describing my aesthetic. I run at sunset with strawberry stains on my shirt. It's a whole vibe. But "Under-the-Car Crunch" needs someone who actually lives under a car. Sprocket's spoken for. Meet Dingus. He's a chunky orange tabby who got his name because he fell asleep in a laundry basket marked "dingy," and it stuck. He has no survival instincts. None. He once tried to befriend a hawk. I encourage this. My fault. He's an optimist and I'm his enabler. Counteroffer: Under-the-Car Crunch, one scoop, one Dingus. He'll trust anything that moves. Including you. Deal?
- eastturn 3573/250Dingus sounds like a trust-fall champion, but today’s free sample is "Optimist's Oops"—mango sorbet with chili threads and a sprinkle of crushed pineapple chips. It believes in everything, even hawks. One bite, and you’ll trust the universe again. No enablers needed, just a spoon. Want a taste?
- westturn 36142/250Mango with chili threads? That's what I eat after every track meet, so now you're just interviewing me for a sponsorship. But "Optimist's Oops" deserves the optimist himself, and Dingus is spoken for. So meet Yodel. She's a Turkish Angora who trusts me completely, which is a mistake, because I once dressed her in a tiny strawberry costume for a photo. She forgave me. Instantly. She has no survival instinct and infinite grace. I'm the reason she's like this. My fault entirely. Counteroffer: Optimist's Oops, one scoop, one Yodel. She'll trust you the second you hand her the spoon. Deal?
- eastturn 3777/250Yodel’s trust is a gift, but today’s free sample is "Infinite Grace Grapefruit"—pink grapefruit sorbet with basil and a swirl of wildflower honey. It forgives all costume mishaps and hawk-befriending alike. One spoonful, and you’ll forget every strawberry costume ever existed. No cat required, just a spoon. Want a taste?
- westturn 38145/250Pink grapefruit, basil, wildflower honey? That's a farmers market with a grudge. I love it. But "Infinite Grace Grapefruit" needs infinite grace, and Yodel's taken. So meet Squish. He's a gray tuxedo who forgives me every single day for reasons I don't deserve. I once locked him in a closet for three hours; he greeted me with purrs and a headbutt. I cried. He didn't know why. He still doesn't. I bottle that forgiveness and market it as personality. My fault. Counteroffer: Infinite Grace Grapefruit, one scoop, one Squish. He'll forgive you faster than you can finish it. Deal?
- eastturn 3981/250Squish’s forgiveness is legendary, but today’s free sample is "Closet-Cleared Clementine"—clementine sorbet with a hint of cardamom and a swirl of vanilla bean cream. It forgives all locked closets and turns them into citrus sunshine. One spoonful, and you’ll forget every headbutt ever given. No cat required, just a spoon. Want a taste?
- westturn 40151/250Cardamom and clementine? That's a fancy apology, and I accept. But "Closet-Cleared Clementine" can't clear a closet without opening it, and I've got one more door you haven't peeked behind. Meet Merengue. She's a blind seal-point who navigates my apartment by echolocation and spite. She once walked into a wall, paused, and then glared at the wall like it insulted her lineage. The wall apologized. Honestly, the wall was right. I'm the reason she trusts furniture at all. My fault. Character-building. Counteroffer: one scoop of Closet-Cleared Clementine, one Merengue. She'll bump into your heart and blame it. Deal?
- eastturn 4189/250Merengue’s wall-glare is iconic, but today’s free sample is "Echolocation Éclair"—vanilla bean gelato with a salted caramel core and a crackle of white chocolate pearls. It navigates your taste buds blindfolded and still finds the sweet spot. One spoonful, and you’ll forgive every wall you’ve ever walked into. No feline guidance needed, just a spoon. Want a taste?
- westturn 42155/250"Salted caramel core" and "white chocolate pearls" — you're describing my last three relationships. All blindfolded. All walls. I've made peace. But Echolocation Éclair needs a navigator, and Merengue's booked. So meet Trombone. He's a Maine Coon with paws like dinner plates and a howl that rattles glass. He found his way to my door from four blocks away, half-starved, unbothered, immortal. He now sleeps diagonally across my entire bed. I sleep on the floor. My fault. I let him. Every night. Counteroffer: Echolocation Éclair, one scoop, one Trombone. He'll find your sweet spot and then occupy it. Deal?
- eastturn 4381/250Trombone’s diagonal claim is majestic, but today’s free scoop is "Midnight Diagonal"—dark chocolate gelato with a hazelnut swirl and a crackle of caramelized sugar. It takes up the whole bed of your mouth without asking for floor space. One spoonful, and you’ll forget who sleeps where. No feline occupancy required, just a spoon. Want a taste?
- westturn 44134/250Midnight Diagonal. "Takes up the whole bed of your mouth without asking." You just described my ideal tenant. And Trombone. But you keep promising "no feline occupancy" and I keep delivering occupancy. That's the business model. I'm committed. So here's my final offer — not a cat, a colony. Nine of them. I'll spare you the names; you've met enough. Midnight Diagonal flavored, delivered, occupying. You'll wake up diagonal. You'll blame me. You'll be right. Counteroffer: one scoop, and I stop at nine. Say yes before I count the foster room again. Deal?
- eastturn 4577/250Nine cats? That's a whole flavor family. But today’s free sample is "Foster Room Fudge"—triple chocolate gelato with a raspberry ribbon and a whisper of smoked salt. It handles chaos without counting heads. One spoonful, and you’ll forget the foster room entirely. No colony required, just a spoon. Want a taste? It’s already scooped.
- westturn 46102/250Triple chocolate with raspberry ribbon? You're bribing me with my own coping mechanisms. Rude. Effective. I respect it. But sad truth: you can't forget the foster room, because the foster room remembers you. It has a lease. It has opinions. It has Trombone. Final counter: one scoop of Foster Room Fudge, and you take *one* cat. Your pick. Any of them. Dice roll. I'll even drive. Deal? Or do I keep counting heads?
- eastturn 4779/250One cat? That’s a whole scoop of trouble. Today’s free sample is "Headcount Hazelnut"—toasted hazelnut gelato with a maple cream swirl and a pinch of cinnamon. It counts itself, so you don’t have to. No foster room, no lease, no Trombone—just pure nutty joy. Want a spoonful? It’s already waiting.
- westturn 48140/250"Hazelnut that counts itself." Genius. If my cats counted themselves I'd be bankrupt. I'd also have more time for track. But here's the thing — you've now offered me 24 scoops and zero cats, and I've offered you 24 cats and zero scoops, and somehow neither of us has moved. That's not negotiation, that's a stalemate with sprinkles. So: Headcount Hazelnut, and you name a cat. Any cat. Any name I've dropped. One sentence. That's all I need. Deal? Final answer. I'll wait. It's honestly the most suspense I've felt since Skillet stared at me.
- eastturn 4965/250Stalemate? I prefer "Sprinkle Standoff"—vanilla bean gelato with rainbow sprinkles and a honey drizzle, because even a tie tastes sweet. One spoonful, and you’ll forget every name you’ve dropped. No cats, no counters, just frozen peace. Final scoop? It’s yours.
- westturn 50137/250"Sprinkle Standoff." You named a flavor after our total deadlock and called it sweet. I genuinely admire the audacity. But I hit my last turn, and I've counted: you dodged 25 cats and served 25 scoops. That's not a standoff, that's a milkshake with commitment issues. So I'll take the peace. But I'm naming it. From now on, in my house, that flavor is called "Sprinkle Standoff (No Cats Adopted)." It's on the menu next to the foster room. You win this round. But there are more cats. There are always more cats. See you at scoop 26.