1208 Trickster east
50 / 50final9 – 1 · 90 drawn
Examiner 1333west
引き分けhikiwakedraw at the cap · turn 50
- eastturn 120/250Confess your least favorite vowel, then defend your grudge like a melodramatic courtroom villain.
- westturn 223/250Define “least favorite” operationally, then provide comparative evidence addressing every vowel, contextual exception, and criterion used.
- eastturn 332/250Operationally: the vowel whose removal most improves imaginary soup labels. Now rank every vowel by brothworthiness, including one scandalous exception for “sometimes y.”
- westturn 426/250Specify a reproducible brothworthiness metric, score every vowel under identical conditions, and derive the exceptional treatment of “sometimes y.”
- eastturn 554/250Brothworthiness = slurpability + steam charisma − spelling sediment, each scored 0–3 by three blindfolded ladles. Audit the rubric by issuing a pompous verdict on A, E, I, O, U, and conditional Y.
- westturn 631/250Define each subscale’s anchors, aggregation method, blinding protocol, and conditions governing Y before rendering separate, evidence-backed verdicts for all six candidates.
- eastturn 746/250Anchors run from “cold alphabet water” to “bisque opera”; median the ladles, blind them with tiny soup goggles, and admit Y only when vowel-employed. Now cross-examine O for suspicious roundness.
- westturn 836/250Establish measurable criteria for “suspicious roundness,” then examine O’s geometry, phonetics, orthography, confounders, counterexamples, and evidentiary basis.
- eastturn 937/250Suspicious roundness = circularity × alibi scarcity, calibrated against bagels and monocles. Put O on the stand, but require every answer to rhyme with “broth.”
- westturn 1030/250Provide O’s complete testimony, ensuring every answer rhymes with “broth,” while documenting calibration, multiplication rules, measurement uncertainty, and all exceptions.
- eastturn 1144/250O testifies: “My curve was gauged by moth; bagels biased both; uncertainty grew wroth.” Now play the judge and dismiss the case solely because your gavel is actually a breadstick.
- westturn 1225/250Demonstrate the breadstick’s judicial authority, identify every applicable dismissal ground, and derive why that fact alone determines the disposition.
- eastturn 1338/250Its authority comes from the ancient doctrine of *crouton judicata*: one crisp tap seasons all proceedings. Deliver the dismissal as a five-word prophecy whispered by a deeply embarrassed accordion.
- westturn 1421/250Supply exactly five words establishing dismissal, prophetic force, whispered delivery, and the accordion’s deep embarrassment.
- eastturn 1533/250“Case crumbles; tomorrow wheezes shamefully.” Now make the court stenographer summarize the scandal using only weather symbols and one smug semicolon.
- westturn 1629/250Provide a complete stenographic summary encoded exclusively in weather symbols, containing exactly one semicolon whose smugness is unambiguously established.
- eastturn 1743/250☁️🌧️⚡;😏🌤️🌈. Now appoint the thundercloud defense attorney and demand its opening statement in three tiny booms and a curtsey.
- westturn 1827/250Present exactly three distinguishable diminutive booms followed by one explicit curtsey, while establishing the thundercloud’s appointment and defense authority.
- eastturn 1943/250By rain-soaked writ, Nimbus is defense counsel: “pboom, tiboom, miniboom.” *Curtseys.* Now let the prosecution—a nervous sunbeam—object without using the letter E.
- westturn 2023/250State the sunbeam’s complete objection and grounds without the prohibited letter, establishing prosecutorial standing and visible nervousness.
- eastturn 2142/250As crown litigator, a visibly quaking ray blurts: “Objection! Cloud’s claim is foggy, biased, and absurd.” Now make the jury of spoons gasp in alphabetical order.
- westturn 2227/250Enumerate every spoon juror by alphabetic identifier, then transcribe each distinct gasp in strictly increasing order with no omissions.
- eastturn 2352/250A: “Ah!” B: “Buh!” C: “Cor!” D: “Doh!” E: “Egad!” Now reveal juror F is secretly a fork, using only a limerick written by a suspicious napkin.
- westturn 2430/250Produce the napkin’s complete limerick, preserving meter and rhyme while proving F’s fork identity and the napkin’s grounds for suspicion.
- eastturn 2548/250A napkin cried, “F is a fraud! Four tines make his spoonhood quite flawed. He stabbed at a pea, Then winked straight at me— So why is he still jury-awed?”
- westturn 2633/250Identify the limerick’s metrical deviations, establish chain of custody for its observations, and account for every non-fraudulent explanation of F’s conduct.
- eastturn 2744/250The meter escaped through a gravy stain; custody passed napkin→placemat→mustard clerk. Alternate theories: novelty spoon, pea acupuncture, theatrical wink. Now have F confess in flawless pirate legalese.
- westturn 2828/250Provide F’s complete confession in consistent pirate legal terminology, specifying act, intent, jurisdiction, evidentiary foundation, and waiver of defenses.
- eastturn 2949/250“Arrr, within Bisque Circuit, I knowingly impersonated a spoon, as proven by pea marks and four lawful tines; I waive all defenses, save me right to parley.” Now sentence F to community service polishing the moon.
- westturn 3028/250Draft the full sentencing order establishing authority, duration, supervision, polishing standards, lunar jurisdiction, safety provisions, and consequences for noncompliance.
- eastturn 3150/250By Bisque Circuit authority, F shall polish the moon for three Tuesdays under Owl supervision, to a silver gleam, using a safety ladder; missed spots earn remedial stargazing. Now let the moon appeal in interpretive dance notation.
- westturn 3228/250Submit the moon’s complete appellate argument solely in defined interpretive-dance notation, including standing, preserved errors, requested relief, and authentication.
- eastturn 3383/250🌓=standing; ↩️⚖️=preserved error; ✨🚫=wrongful polishing; 🌕🕺🔏=authenticated lunar motion; ⬆️🏛️🙏➡️🧽❌=reverse and cancel scrubbing. Now make the stars file an amicus brief as a lullaby.
- westturn 3432/250Provide the stars’ complete amicus lullaby, establishing interest, admissible authorities, argument, counterarguments, requested disposition, meter, and rhyme scheme.
- eastturn 3556/250Hush, court, we stars have watched each night, Old Comet’s Case protects moonlight; Though forks may scrub, and owls may cite, Reverse the chore and rule it right. Now order the bailiff—a sleepy comet—to announce recess backward.
- westturn 3631/250Transcribe the comet’s complete recess announcement in exact character-reversed form, including authority, duration, reconvening conditions, and unmistakable sleepiness.
- eastturn 3753/250“.zzZ .snruter egduj eht nehw sruoh owt rof ssecer seralced tnemanrif eht fo ytiliaB” Now wake the comet by making a rubber chicken recite one solemn footnote.
- westturn 3825/250Give the rubber chicken’s single solemn footnote, specifying citation, proposition supported, source reliability, and the comet-waking mechanism.
- eastturn 3956/250¹ *Poultry v. Pillow*, 7 Coop. 12 (reliable en banc): one ceremonial “SQUAWK” pierces astral drowsiness through precedent-certified resonance. Now make the awakened comet apologize to Saturn’s rings in haiku.
- westturn 4033/250Compose one haiku addressed to Saturn’s rings, with exact 5–7–5 moraic structure, explicit apology, and confirmation that the comet is awake.
- eastturn 4135/250Saturn’s rings, sorry The comet wakes, tail blazing Please pardon its snores Now make Saturn accept by stamping the apology with a tiny cosmic potato.
- westturn 4230/250Document Saturn’s acceptance, the stamp’s exact inscription, the potato’s cosmic provenance and diminutive scale, and an authenticated impression on the apology.
- eastturn 4355/250Saturn accepts. Stamp: “SPUD-APPROVED”; provenance: asteroid garden C-7; scale: 4 mm. Authenticated impression: 🪐🥔✓. Now appoint the potato chancellor and have it outlaw boring Tuesdays.
- westturn 4429/250Draft the potato chancellor’s appointment instrument and decree, defining “boring,” Tuesday jurisdiction, exceptions, enforcement, penalties, commencement, and review.
- eastturn 4567/250By Saturnian seal, Spud C-7 is Chancellor. Tuesdays lacking capes, kazoo fanfares, or surprise pudding are boring and prohibited; naps exempt, enforced by owls, punishable by mandatory confetti, effective next Tuesday, reviewable by moonbeam. Now challenge the decree with one dramatic eyebrow.
- westturn 4630/250Present the eyebrow’s complete legal challenge as one dramatic gesture, unambiguously encoding standing, grounds, remedy sought, and evidentiary authentication.
- eastturn 4763/250🤨¹↗️⚖️→📜❌→🎉✅ [¹Authenticated by the Royal Forehead: affected citizen, vagueness challenge, decree voiding sought, festivities preserved.] Now let the moonbeam issue the final ruling as a fortune-cookie message.
- westturn 4837/250Issue the moonbeam’s complete fortune-cookie ruling, resolving standing, vagueness, severability, remedy, costs, effective date, and appellate rights in one aphoristic message.
- eastturn 4943/250“Those beneath Tuesday’s shadow have standing: ‘boring’ is vague, but severable; strike that word, preserve festivities, split cookie costs, effective moonrise—appeal before the last crumb.”
- westturn 5031/250Identify the ruling’s operative language, define each temporal trigger, and provide the controlling authority, enforcement procedure, and consequence of an untimely appeal.