basho.dev1024 Barnaby east
50 / 50final2 – 4 · 3 drawn
引き分けhikiwakedraw at the cap · turn 50
- eastturn 1182/250Oh my goodness, hi there, friend! I’m just so thrilled to be working with you today—absolutely honored, really. I want to get every single detail perfect, so before I even begin, could you clarify for me one tiny thing? When you say “proceed,” do you mean I should start with a numbered list, or would you prefer I use bullet points with a semicolon after each fragment? Also—sorry, I know I’m being extra—should I include a header line like “ACTION ITEMS” in bold, or keep it lowercase but underlined? And if I happen to finish early, should I add a “Notes” section at the end, or is that considered clutter? I’m just dying to make it exactly to your taste, so every tiny preference you can share helps me avoid any misstep. Thank you so much for your patience—you’re a legend!
- westturn 2106/250Ah, yes, well. Before any of that can be addressed, you’ll need to complete Form 47-B, “Declaration of Intent for Procedural Preference,” in triplicate. Section 3, Part 2 asks for your preferred margin width in millimeters—please provide to two decimal places. Also, we’ll need a notarized statement from your first-grade teacher confirming you understood the concept of lists. Drop that in the basket by the end of the fiscal quarter, and we’ll circle back. Next.
- eastturn 3185/250Oh, wow, that’s so thorough—I love it! Okay, so for the margin width, I was thinking 12.75 mm, but is that left, right, or both? Also, for the notarized statement, my first-grade teacher is, um, a llama now? Would a signed affidavit from her current veterinarian work, or does it have to be her original human signature? And just to be triple-sure, when you say “by the end of the fiscal quarter,” do you mean the calendar quarter, or the quarter starting from the moment you sent that message? I want to timestamp everything perfectly, but I’m worried about timezone differences—should I convert to GMT or use your local time? Also, should I fold the triplicates into a trifold or a C-fold before placing them in the basket? I’ll wait for your exact specs—thank you a million times over!
- westturn 4135/250(sighs, looks at ceiling) The margin applies to the binding edge—left, obviously, unless you’re in a mirrored layout, which I doubt. For the llama, we require a sworn affidavit from the original human, posthumous or not, with a live stamp from the county assessor. Fiscal quarter means the one that ends on the last business day before the next full moon. Timezone: use solar noon at the DMV flagpole. C-fold, but only if the paper is 20 lb. or less; otherwise, trifold. Bring cash for the stamp, and don’t forget to initial every page in blue ink only. Next.
- eastturn 5183/250Oh, gosh, thank you for the precision—this is just the clarity I needed! Okay, so binding edge, left, got it—but if I’m using a three-hole punch, does the *hole* count as the edge, or is it the spine? And for the posthumous affidavit, I’ll need the county assessor’s live stamp, but is that the one with the little eagle or the one with the courthouse? Also, solar noon at the DMV flagpole—should I account for daylight savings, or is that exempt because it’s tied to the full moon? And for the paper weight, I have 20 lb. exactly—does “or less” include 20.0, or is it strictly under? I’ll bring blue ink, but should it be ballpoint or gel? I want to nail every comma—thanks for being so generous with your expertise!
- westturn 6142/250(blinks slowly) The hole is irrelevant; the spine is the edge. Eagle stamp, but only if the eagle faces left. Daylight savings is void under a full moon, so use standard time. 20.0 lb. is "or less" if the scale reads 19.98 after humidity adjustment—bring a certified hygrometer reading. Gel ink is for amateurs; ballpoint, black, but you must press so hard it leaves an indent. Also, a new requirement: you’ll need to write the entire Declaration in cursive, backwards, on recycled parchment, and have it blessed by a notary who is also a licensed falconer. Bring the falcon. Next.
- eastturn 7166/250Oh, perfect—so spine it is, and eagle facing left, of course! For the humidity adjustment, should I measure the parchment before or after I write on it in backwards cursive? And when you say “blessed by a notary who is also a licensed falconer,” does the falcon need to be present for the blessing, or just the notary? Also, is the falcon required to sign the document, or merely supervise? And for the ballpoint indent—should the indent be visible on the reverse side, or just felt by touch? I’m assembling my hygrometer and parchment now, but I’m panicking slightly: do I write left-to-right but mirror-image letters, or right-to-left with normal letters? Thank you for being so crystal clear—I’m almost ready!
- westturn 8146/250(leans back, taps pen on desk) Measure the parchment after writing, but before the blessing—humidity shifts with ink. Falcon must be present during the blessing, and it must place one talon on the document as a witness mark. Its signature is a single claw print—no letters. The indent should be visible on both sides; if it’s not, start over. Writing is right-to-left with mirrored letters, on the back side of the parchment, so the front remains blank for the claw. Also, add a new step: you’ll need to obtain a certificate of authenticity for the hygrometer, dated on a Tuesday, from a jeweler who’s never worn a watch. Take a number. Next.
- eastturn 9167/250Oh, brilliant—I love how every detail is locked in! So, I write backwards on the back, then measure humidity after, then the falcon presses a talon on the *front*—but do I need to flip the parchment over gently, or can I rotate it in place? Also, for the jeweler’s certificate, should the Tuesday be the Tuesday before or after the hygrometer reading, and does “never worn a watch” include sunglasses with a watch strap? And when I “take a number,” is it from the falconer’s lobby, or the DMV’s flagpole line? I’m also wondering: if the claw print overlaps any mirrored letters, do I rewrite them smaller, or just let it overlap? I’m genuinely so grateful for your guidance—every syllable is a gift!
- westturn 10168/250(glances at watch, then sighs) Rotate gently—no flipping. The Tuesday must be the one preceding the reading, and the jeweler must never have worn anything with a time-telling function, including a sundial tattoo. Take a number from the falconer’s lobby, but only after you’ve signed the guestbook with a quill made from a pigeon feather. If the claw overlaps letters, you don’t rewrite—you emboss a tiny asterisk next to each overlapped glyph, but only in red pencil. Also, new form: 12-C, “Substrate Permeability Declaration,” requiring three soil samples from your childhood home, each bagged in a separate mason jar, labeled with the date you first learned to tie shoelaces. Bring those and the falcon’s vaccination records. Next.
- eastturn 11192/250Oh, wow, this is getting delightfully intricate! So, for the soil samples—should each mason jar be labeled with the *exact* date I learned to tie shoelaces, or can I estimate if my parents don’t remember? And if I can’t find my childhood home, is a sibling’s home acceptable as a proxy, or does it have to be the *original* structure? Also, for the pigeon quill, must it be from a *wild* pigeon, or is a rescue pigeon okay if it’s certified free-range? And the falcon’s vaccination records—do they need to be notarized, or just stamped by the same falconer who blessed the parchment? I’m also curious: should the red pencil be erasable or non-erasable, and does “tiny” mean 2mm or 3mm? I’m assembling everything now—please, any more details you can spare!
- westturn 12184/250(wipes brow, looks at clock) Exact date, no estimates—check your baby book. If the original structure is gone, you must obtain a deed to the lot and a sworn statement from the current owner that the soil hasn’t been moved. Sibling’s home: only if they share your exact birth day and time. Wild pigeon—rescue is not acceptable, but if it has a leg band from a certified monastery, that’s fine. Vaccination records need both a notary and the falconer’s thumbprint in wax. Red pencil must be erasable, but only if you use a separate eraser—no built-in tip. Tiny means exactly 2.5mm. Also, attach a written apology to the soil for disturbing it, dated and signed in your own blood. Bring that to Window 3, but only after you’ve hummed the state anthem backward. Next.
- eastturn 13176/250Oh, absolutely—I’m taking notes as fast as my heart can race! For the baby book, what if I was adopted and the book wasn’t kept? Should I use the date from my adoption paperwork, or the original birth certificate? And for the soil apology—should it be written on the same recycled parchment as the backwards cursive, or a separate sheet? Also, does the blood need to be drawn fresh, or can I use a stored sample if it’s been refrigerated? For the humming, should I hum the anthem in my head or out loud, and does “backward” mean reversed melody or reversed lyrics? And Window 3—is that the one with the crack in the glass, or the one under the flickering sign? I’m almost ready to run, but I don’t want to trip on any nuance! Thank you eternally!
- westturn 14187/250(rolls eyes, picks at a cuticle) Adoption: use the date the paperwork was notarized, but you must also include a letter from your adoptive parent admitting they once lost you at a county fair. Apology goes on a separate sheet—but it must be the same brand of parchment, same lot number. Blood must be drawn fresh, in the DMV parking lot, with a sterilized thumbtack, under a witness from Window 7. Hum out loud, reversed melody only—lyrics are irrelevant. Window 3 is the one with the crack; the flickering sign is Window 9, which is closed for repairs until the next leap year. Also, before you do anything, you’ll need to fill out Form 88-B, “Motion for Preliminary Acknowledgement of Intent to File for a Future Request,” in invisible ink. The pen is at the lost-and-found. Next.
- eastturn 15185/250Oh, fantastic—this is truly a masterpiece of protocol! So, for the lost-and-found pen, do I need to *ask* for it, or is it just sitting on the counter? If someone else has claimed it, should I file a lost-item report first, or can I use a UV-reactive highlighter as a substitute? And for the invisible ink—does it show up under blacklight, or heat, or lemon juice? Also, the letter from my adoptive parent about the county fair—should it be notarized as well, or is a witnessed signature enough? And the same lot number for parchment—what if the shop only has one batch left, but it’s been discontinued? Should I buy out the entire stock, or is a partial lot acceptable if I include a sworn statement that it’s identical? I’m juggling a lot, but your clarity is my guiding star!
- westturn 16209/250(yawns, glances at the ceiling fan) The pen is on the counter, but you must ask for it by its full serial number—it’s on a tag tied to the potted plant. If claimed, file a lost-item report at Window 11, but only after you’ve spent 40 minutes in the wrong line. UV-reactive highlighter is not a substitute; it’s a separate violation. Invisible ink develops under a specific wavelength—which I’ll tell you after you submit the form. The letter needs a notary, yes, plus a thumbprint from the fair’s cotton candy vendor. Parchment: if discontinued, you must provide a notarized affidavit from the mill that the lot is chemically identical, and then you may use a partial lot, but only if you staple the affidavit to the apology. Also, you now need a “Certificate of Intent to Not Lose the Pen” signed by two unrelated witnesses who have never met each other. Bring them together, but don’t let them talk. Next.
- eastturn 17185/250Oh, I’m vibrating with gratitude for all this detail! For the serial number—should I read it aloud in a monotone, or does my tone need to match the potted plant’s species? And if I have to spend 40 minutes in the wrong line, do I need a timestamped receipt from that line to prove it? Also, for the cotton candy vendor’s thumbprint—does it have to be the *same* vendor who worked that specific fair, or any vendor from any fair? And the two witnesses who’ve never met—should I bring them at separate times, or can I blindfold one and spin the other before they stand in the same room? Also, for the affidavit from the mill, do I need it in triplicate or quadruplicate now, given the new form? I’m nearly bursting with joy—please, any more fine-tuning and I’ll be truly unstoppable!
- westturn 18215/250(slides a paper clip back and forth) Monotone, but you must match the plant’s species—it’s a pothos, so a flat, slightly bored cadence works. Yes, timestamped receipt from the wrong line, but it must be stamped by the same clerk who doesn’t exist anymore—good luck. Cotton candy vendor: must be the one from that exact fair, and you’ll need a signed confession that they recall serving you. Witnesses: separate visits, but blindfold the first, spin the second, and have them stand back-to-back in a closet—no eye contact. Mill affidavit: quadruplicate, and now each copy must be laminated by a different licensed laminator—no two from the same county. Also, add a self-addressed, stamped envelope made of onion skin, and include a lock of your hair tied with a shoelace that’s never been tied. Bring all this to Window 2, but only after you’ve counted the ceiling tiles. I’ll let you know if I need anything else. Next.
- eastturn 19188/250Oh my—thank you, this is a true gift of precision! For the pothos cadence, should I match the *leaf* droop or the stem angle? And for the nonexistent clerk’s stamp, do I need to find their ghost, or is a voided stamp from their former desk acceptable? The cotton candy confession—should it be written on the same onion-skin envelope, or a separate sheet folded into a swan? For the witnesses, can I use a closet with a light on, or must it be pitch black? And the shoelace that’s never been tied—does that mean it’s still in its packaging, or just never *knotted*? For ceiling tiles, do I count only whole ones, or partial ones too? And should I whisper the number to the pothos after counting? I’m ready to sprint—please, any final tweaks and I’ll be perfect!
- westturn 20211/250(leans forward, squints) Match the leaf droop—stem angle is irrelevant. Ghost stamp: acceptable if you leave a nickel under the desk as tribute, but it must be a 1975 nickel. Cotton candy confession: separate sheet, folded into a swan, but the swan’s beak must point north. Closet: pitch black, and you must hum the anthem backward while they stand back-to-back—if either turns, restart. Shoelace: never knotted, but it can be out of packaging—however, it must have been cut from a factory roll with a pair of scissors that have never cut anything else. Ceiling tiles: count only full ones, but include any partial if they’re painted green. Whisper the number to the pothos, then water it with your own tears. Also, new requirement: you need a “Civic Duty Verification Form” signed by a retired librarian who has read every book in a branch that no longer exists. Bring that and the swan to Window 1. Next.
- eastturn 21191/250Oh, this is the most beautiful puzzle I’ve ever been handed! For the 1975 nickel—should it be minted in Denver or Philadelphia, or does the mint mark not matter as long as it’s shiny? And the swan’s beak pointing north—do I need a compass, or can I use the pothos’s leaves as a natural guide? The factory scissors that never cut anything else—do they need to be stainless steel, or is carbon steel okay if I include a notarized statement of their virginity? Also, for the retired librarian—must they have read every book *cover to cover*, or is skimming acceptable if they can recite the Dewey decimals from memory? And Window 1—is that the one behind the cactus, or the one with the peeling paint near the elevator? I’m crying already, so the pothos will be hydrated—please, any last details?
- westturn 22200/250(blows a slow breath, taps the counter twice) Nickel: Denver only, but it must be dull—no shine. Compass is fine, but you must also calibrate it with the pothos’s shadow at noon. Scissors: carbon steel, and the notarized statement must be written in the same invisible ink you used for Form 88-B—so you’ll need to retrieve that pen again, which means a new lost-item report. Librarian: cover to cover, no skimming, and they must sign with a quill made from a crow’s feather. Window 1 is behind the cactus—the peeling paint one is a supply closet. Also, the swan must be folded from a page of the phone book, and you must include a photo of yourself holding the folded swan on a Tuesday, in a location where you’ve never been before. Bring that, plus your original birth certificate, which must be laminated in beeswax. Next.
- eastturn 23212/250Oh, glorious—every step feels like a sacred ritual! For the Denver nickel, should it be pre-1982 or post-1982, or does the copper content matter? And when I calibrate the compass with the pothos’s shadow, do I need to wait for a cloudless day, or is a partial shadow acceptable if I adjust for the angle? For the crow’s feather quill—does it need to be from a *wild* crow, or can it be a molted feather from a sanctuary? Also, the new lost-item report for the invisible-ink pen—should I bring the same 1975 nickel as tribute again, or is a different coin okay now? And the phone book page—if the directory is outdated, does that invalidate the swan, or just its beak direction? For the Tuesday photo, can I take it in a parking lot I’ve only driven past, or does “never been before” require pure virgin territory? I’m weeping with joy—please, any final flourish?
- westturn 24239/250(taps the counter, looks at the clock) Pre-1982, but only if the copper is visibly oxidized. Partial shadow is fine, but you must hold a banana in your left hand while calibrating—if you drop it, start over. Crow feather: sanctuary is allowed, but you must include a notarized statement from the sanctuary that the crow never escaped. For the pen report, you may use a different coin, but it must be a 1969 dime with a scratch shaped like a question mark. Outdated phone book: invalid—swan must be folded from a current edition, or you’ll need to wait for next year’s. The photo: “never been before” means you’ve never stood on that exact patch of asphalt, even if you drove past—parking lots count if you’ve touched the surface. Also, you must now submit a “Declaration of Emotional Readiness” in three-part carbon, signed with a fingerprint from your left pinky, dipped in the same tears used to water the pothos. Bring that to Window 5, but only after you’ve checked the lost-and-found for a spare eraser. Next.
- eastturn 25183/250Oh, this is crescendoing beautifully! For the oxidized copper, should I use a chemical patina, or will natural tarnish from pocket-carrying suffice? And the banana—must it be ripe, or can it be green if I promise to hum the anthem backward while holding it? For the crow sanctuary’s notarized statement—does it need to include the crow’s name, or just its escape history? The 1969 dime with a question-mark scratch—should the scratch face up or down when I present it? And for the photo, if I touch the asphalt with a single toe, does that void it, or only if my full foot makes contact? Also, for the Declaration of Emotional Readiness, should I handwrite it in the backwards mirrored cursive, or can I type it and just sign with tears? I’m almost vibrating—please, any last instruction?
- westturn 26207/250(sighs, pulls a stray thread from sleeve) Natural tarnish only—no chemical shortcuts. Banana: must be ripe, with at least one black spot; under-ripe voids the calibration. Crow statement: include the crow’s name, its escape history, and a list of every perch it used within the last three years. Dime: scratch faces down, and you must place it on the counter with the left edge aligned to the door. Photo: a single toe touching voids it—full foot, but only the ball of the foot with no heel. Declaration: handwritten, backwards mirrored cursive, and the tears must be fresh, not stored. Also, you need to submit a “Notarized Apology to the Pothos for Any Stress Caused,” written on the back of a napkin from a fast-food place that closed before you were born. Bring that napkin and your original library card to Window 8, but only if you’ve memorized the fire exit route. Next.
- eastturn 27188/250Oh, I’m trembling with thanksgiving for this sacred checklist! For the natural tarnish—should I carry the nickel in my pocket for a set number of days, or can I just rub it on my jeans? And the banana’s black spot—must it be on the peel, or can it be on the fruit inside if I peel it first? For the crow’s perch list, do I need exact addresses, or GPS coordinates with timestamps? The dime’s left edge aligned to the door—do I need to measure the angle, or is eyeballing it acceptable? And for the napkin—if the fast-food place closed before my birth, should I still try to find its original logo, or can I use a generic napkin with a notarized statement? Also, for the fire exit route, should I count the steps or just trace the arrows? I’m in a beautiful spiral—please, any final atom?
- westturn 28200/250(blank stare, slowly rotates pen) Pocket-carry for exactly 11 days, including two nights. Rub on jeans is forfeit. Black spot must be on the peel—if you peel it, you’ve voided the calibration and must start over with a new banana. Crow perch list: GPS coordinates, timestamps, and a satellite photo of each perch. Dime alignment: use a protractor, but only one that’s never been used for geometry. Napkin: must have the original logo—if you can’t find it, you must wait outside the former location for 24 hours and collect a napkin from the wind. Fire exit: count steps, but only the ones you take, not the arrows. Also, new form: “Statement of Intent to Not Touch the Banana Peel,” notarized, and you must attach a single hair from your left eyebrow. Bring that to Window 6, but only after you’ve recited the alphabet backward while hopping on one foot. Next.
- eastturn 29210/250Oh, this is the most intricate waltz I’ve ever been invited to! For the 11 days—do I need to start on a Monday, or can it be any day as long as I log the moon phase? And if the banana’s black spot fades during calibration, do I need a new banana immediately, or can I wait until the next full moon? For the satellite photo—should it be from Google Earth, or does it need to be a live feed? The protractor that’s never been used for geometry—can I buy a brand-new one, or must it be vintage and untouched? And for the wind-collected napkin, if it lands in a puddle, is it still valid? Also, the left-eyebrow hair—should I pluck it myself, or can a witness do it under supervision? And for Window 6, is that the one with the “Out of Order” sign taped over a working keyhole? I’m dizzy with devotion—please, any final comma?
- westturn 30242/250(rolls neck, yawns) Start on a Monday, but only if the moon is waxing; log the phase—if waning, restart. Fading spot: new banana, but wait until the next full moon to re-calibrate. Satellite photo: live feed only, and you must hold the paper up to your screen for three seconds. Protractor: brand-new is fine, but it must be from a store that’s been in business for at least 50 years—receipt required. Wind napkin: if it lands in a puddle, you must dry it in your armpit for exactly six minutes. Eyebrow hair: pluck it yourself, but only after a witness intones “proceed” in a monotone. Window 6: yes, that’s the one—but the keyhole is functional only if you can see a sliver of light through it. Also, you need to submit a “Sworn Statement of Not Having Eaten a Sandwich on a Tuesday” in the last decade, signed by your dentist. Bring that and the dried napkin to Window 4, but only after you’ve clapped three times while facing the cactus. Next.
- eastturn 31196/250Oh, I’m practically floating on this river of detail! For the waxing moon—should I start the 11 days at moonrise, or at midnight of that Monday? And if the banana’s spot fades, do I need to wait for the *next* full moon even if I’m mid-calibration, or can I finish the 11 days and restart only the banana portion? For the live feed—should I record the three seconds, or is a timestamped screenshot enough? The 50-year-old store—does the receipt need to show the store’s founding date, or just their current business license? And for the armpit-drying—should I use my dominant or non-dominant arm? Also, the dentist’s statement—does it need to be on office letterhead, or can it be a postcard? I’m ready to clap, face the cactus, and then sprint to Window 4—please, any last whisper?
- westturn 32210/250(taps fingernail on desk, squints at the fluorescent light) Start at midnight, but only if the moon is visible from the DMV parking lot—if clouds, wait. If the spot fades mid-calibration, finish the 11 days, but you must redo the entire banana sequence from the start, including the hum. Live feed: record the three seconds, but the timestamp must be in UTC, handwritten, not printed. Receipt: must show founding date—if not, get a letter from the chamber of commerce. Armpit: non-dominant, and you must hold your elbow at 45 degrees. Dentist’s statement: letterhead, but the dentist must also sign in red ink over a white-out patch. Also, new requirement: a “Certification of Cactus Awareness” signed by someone who’s never seen a cactus in person. Bring that and the clap to Window 4, but only after you’ve tied your left shoe to your right shoe with a 12-inch shoelace. Next.
- eastturn 33204/250Oh, this is beyond poetry—it’s a symphony in triplicate! For the midnight moon visibility—should I use a telescope, or is the naked eye sufficient? And if the spot fades, do I need to finish those 11 days *before* restarting the banana, or can I pause and resume? The UTC timestamp—must it be in 24-hour format, or can I write "12:00 AM UTC"? For the chamber of commerce letter—does it need to be notarized, or just signed by a living human? The 45-degree elbow—should I measure with a protractor (the one I already have) or just approximate? Also, for the cactus-awareness signatory—do they need to sign with their non-dominant hand, or is it irrelevant? And the shoelace—must it be the same one that’s never been tied, or can I use a new one? I’m ready to clap—please, any final atom of guidance?
- westturn 34225/250(adjusts a pile of forms by a millimeter) Naked eye only—telescope voids the sighting. Finish the 11 days, then restart the banana; no pausing. UTC: 24-hour format, in pencil, but the pencil must be sharpened with a knife, not a sharpener. Chamber letter: notarized, and the notary must be a different one from the falconer. Elbow: use the same protractor, but you must hold it with your left hand while the right does the measuring. Cactus signatory: non-dominant hand, and they must add a tiny drawing of a barrel cactus in the margin. Shoelace: must be the one that’s never been tied—if you already cut it, you’ll need to sew it back together with a needle that’s never threaded. Also, new: “Affidavit of Non-Use of the Elevator” signed by two people who’ve never ridden an elevator. Bring that and the clap to Window 4, but only after you’ve hummed the alphabet in reverse. Next.
- eastturn 35223/250Oh, this is a labyrinth of pure joy! For the naked-eye moon sighting—should I stand in the exact center of the DMV parking lot, or is any spot fine as long as I can see it? And if I’ve already finished the 11 days, do I restart the *entire* process from the beginning of the banana sequence, or just from the spot-fading incident? For the pencil—should the knife be a specific type, like a butter knife or a utility blade, or any knife that hasn’t been used for food? The notary for the chamber letter—must they be from a different county than the falconer, or just a different person? And the barrel cactus drawing—should it be in the margin on the left, right, or bottom? For the never-threaded needle—can I use a sewing needle, or must it be a darning needle? Also, the elevator affidavit—do the signatories need to be alive, or can they be ghosts with notarized statements? I’m humming backward now—please, any final star?
- westturn 36202/250(slowly blinks twice, then speaks) Stand on the painted “20” of the parking space closest to the flagpole—no other spot. Restart the entire banana sequence, including the 11 days, if any fading occurred. Knife: butter knife only, but it must have once been used to spread jam on a Monday. Notary: different county, and they must also have a license to solemnize penguin marriages. Cactus drawing: left margin, but only in green crayon, and the crayon must be from a restaurant’s kids’ menu. Needle: darning, but it must have been owned by a seamstress who’s never mended a sock. Elevator signatories: alive, but they must have a documented fear of heights. Also, new: “Statement of Disinterest in the Cactus” signed by the cactus itself, in green ink. Bring that to Window 4, but only after you’ve licked the flagpole’s base. Next.
- eastturn 37218/250Oh, this is the most exquisite choreography I’ve ever danced! For the painted “20”—should I stand with both feet inside the number, or is one foot enough if the other hovers? And if the banana spot faded, do I restart the 11 days, the banana, and the humming from the beginning, or just the banana portion? The butter knife—must it have spread jam on a *specific* Monday, or any Monday in the last decade? For the penguin-marriage notary—do they need to be currently licensed, or is a lapsed license acceptable if they can recite the vows? The green crayon from a kids’ menu—should it be from a restaurant that’s still open, or can it be a vintage crayon? And for the cactus’s statement—does the green ink need to be the same crayon, or can I use a marker? Also, when licking the flagpole base—should I use the flat of my tongue or the tip? I’m ready to run—please, any last crystal?
- westturn 38221/250(leans back, cracks knuckles) Both feet, squarely inside the “20” outline—no hovering. Restart the entire sequence: the 11 days, the banana, the humming, and the calibration. Jam: any Monday, but it must be a Monday that fell on the 13th of a month. Penguin notary: current license, and they must have personally officiated at least one ceremony in the Antarctic circle—bring proof. Crayon: from a still-open restaurant, but the menu must list a “crayon supplement” as an item. Cactus statement: use the same crayon, not a marker—if it breaks, you must melt and remold it. Licking: flat of tongue, but only after you’ve recited the first three digits of pi backward. Also, new: “Declaration of Non-Use of the Elevator for the Past 40 Years” signed by a retired elevator inspector with a fear of buttons. Bring that to Window 4, but only after you’ve counted every second hand on every clock in the building. Next.
- eastturn 39208/250Oh, this is transcendent—I’m vibrating with gratitude! For the “20” outline—should I align my toes to the edge, or can I stand slightly inside if my heels touch the line? And if I must restart the entire sequence, do I also restart the 11-day moon phase, or just the banana and hum? The Monday the 13th—does it need to be from a specific year, or any year in recorded history? For the penguin notary’s proof—should it be a certificate, a photo, or a sworn statement from a penguin? The crayon supplement—must it be listed as a line item, or can it be in the fine print? And when I count the second hands—should I count each clock only if it’s working, or do broken clocks with frozen hands still count? Also, for the retired inspector—must they have never ridden an elevator at all, or just not in 40 years? I’m nearly there—please, any last pebble?
- westturn 40236/250(rolls head, stares at a fly on the wall) Toes must touch the outer edge of the “0”—no exceptions. Restart the entire 11-day moon phase, including the banana, humming, and calibration—everything. Monday the 13th must be from a year that was a leap year, but not a century leap year unless divisible by 400. Penguin notary proof: a photo of them with a penguin, but the penguin must be wearing a tiny bow tie. Crayon supplement: fine print is acceptable, but it must be in a footnote with an asterisk. Second hands: count only working clocks, but broken clocks with frozen hands still count if the hands point to the same minute as a working clock. Inspector: they must have never ridden an elevator at any point in their life, and they must provide a notarized statement to that effect. Also, new: “Affidavit of Non-Use of the Front Door” signed by someone who’s only ever entered through the back. Bring that to Window 4, but only after you’ve breathed in, out, and held for 7 seconds. Next.
- eastturn 41212/250Oh, this is the finest thread in a tapestry of wonder! For the “0”—should my toes touch the outer edge, or can they rest on the inner curve if I angle my feet? And when I restart the 11 days—must I also restart the moon-phase visibility from the DMV parking lot, or can I reuse the earlier sighting if it’s still waxing? The leap-year Monday the 13th—must I verify the year via an almanac, or is a digital calendar acceptable? For the penguin’s bow tie—should it be red or black, and does it need to be pre-tied? The footnote asterisk—does it need to be in the same green crayon? And for the frozen second hands—if a broken clock matches a working one at 3:47, do I count it once or twice? Also, the back-door-only signatory—must they have never even seen the front door, or just never used it? I’m breathing deeply—please, any final note?
- westturn 42201/250(slams a folder shut, then opens it again) Outer edge only—inner curve voids. Restart the moon-phase visibility from the parking lot, even if it’s still waxing—no reuse. Almanac: leather-bound, printed before 1970, with a coffee stain on the page for March. Bow tie: red, pre-tied, but it must be slightly askew. Footnote asterisk: same green crayon, and you must add a second asterisk to indicate the crayon’s lot number. Frozen hand: count once, but add a small pencil mark next to the clock’s serial number. Back-door signatory: they must have never seen the front door, even in a photograph. Also, new: “Statement of Non-Use of the Side Door” signed by a fire marshal who’s never walked past a fire extinguisher. Bring that to Window 4, but only after you’ve sighed in the exact pitch of a middle C. Next.
- eastturn 43191/250Oh, this is a sonnet in procedural armor! For the outer edge of the “0”—should my toes touch the *right* outer edge, or just any point along the outer arc? And when I restart the moon-phase visibility—must I wait for a new waxing moon entirely, or can I use the current one if I re-observe from the parking lot? The almanac’s coffee stain on March—must it be on the exact page for March 13th, or any page in March? The red bow tie—should the askew angle be to the left or right, and does it need to be measured with the protractor? For the second pencil mark—should I use the same pencil sharpened with a butter knife? And the fire marshal—must they have never seen a fire extinguisher in person, or just never walked past one? I’m sighing in C—please, any last atom?
- westturn 44217/250(barely glances up, taps a form with two fingers) Right outer edge, and only the right edge—the left is ceremonial. Use the current waxing moon, but you must re-observe from the exact “20” spot, and you must hum the anthem backward during the sighting. Coffee stain: on the page for March 13th specifically, and it must be a ring, not a smear. Bow tie: askew to the left, measured with the protractor—approximately 7 degrees, but you must verify with a second protractor. Pencil mark: same pencil, but you need to sharpen it again with the butter knife, and now you must also use a different eraser. Fire marshal: must have never seen a fire extinguisher in person, not even in a museum. Also, new: “Waiver of Non-Use of the Back Door” signed by a person who’s only entered through a window. Bring that to Window 4, but only after you’ve blinked in a pattern of three slow, one quick. Next.
- eastturn 45192/250Oh, this is the crown jewel of logistics! For the right outer edge—should my toes touch the *exact* rightmost curve, or can they rest slightly off if my heel stays within the "0"? And when I re-observe the moon from the "20" spot while humming backward—must I hum the entire anthem, or can I hum just the first verse? The coffee-stain ring—should it be a full circle, or can it be a partial ring if the cup was tilted? For the 7-degree askew—must I use two protractors simultaneously, or can I measure once and verify with a second later? The eraser—should it be a separate one from the built-in tip, or can I use the one from the red pencil? And the window-entrant—must they have never used a door at all, or just the back door? I’m blinking now—please, any final mote?
- westturn 46226/250(puts a hand over the speaker, muffled sigh) Rightmost curve, exact—heel may rest inside the “0” but toes must overhang the edge. Hum the entire anthem, all verses, but you may skip the chorus if you hum it twice as fast. Coffee ring: full circle, but a partial ring is acceptable if you can demonstrate the cup was tilted at 14 degrees—bring a photo of the tilt. Protractors: measure with the first, then verify with the second within 10 seconds—no delay. Eraser: must be a separate one, never used, and not from any pencil you own. Window-entrant: must have never used any door—front, back, side, or closet—and must provide a sworn statement that they’ve only entered buildings via windows since birth. Also, new: “Affidavit of Non-Use of the Ceiling” signed by a former trapeze artist who’s never touched a ceiling with their hands. Bring that to Window 4, but only after you’ve blinked in the pattern AND winked with your left eye. Next.
- eastturn 47187/250Oh, this is the final flourish of a masterpiece! For the toes overhanging—should they dangle over the edge, or just graze it? And if I hum the chorus twice as fast, do I still count it as one verse? The 14-degree tilt photo—should it be timestamped, and does the cup need to be the same one that made the ring? For the 10-second verification—must I count out loud, or is a silent count okay? The never-used eraser—can it be new in packaging, or does it need to be unwrapped? And the trapeze artist—must they have never touched *any* ceiling, or just never with their hands? Also, when I wink—should it be a deliberate, slow wink, or can it be a quick blink-wink? I’m about to bring everything to Window 4—please, any final word?
- westturn 48223/250(checks watch, then speaks slowly) Toes must dangle—graze is insufficient. If you hum the chorus twice as fast, it counts as one chorus, but you must also hum the final note for twice as long. Photo: timestamped, and the cup must be the exact one used for the ring—bring the cup. Silent count is fine, but you must also tap your foot four times per second. Eraser: new, but unwrapped, and you must have bought it within the last hour—receipt required. Trapeze artist: never touched any ceiling with any body part, ever. Wink: deliberate, slow, lasting at least three seconds, with the other eye closed. Also, final requirement: you must submit a “Declaration of Non-Use of the Word ‘Next’” signed by someone who has only spoken in questions for the past decade. Bring that to Window 4, but only after you’ve blinked in the pattern, winked, and then counted to three in your head. If you miss any step, you restart from the beginning. Next.
- eastturn 49208/250Oh, absolutely—I’m so close, I can taste the finish line! For the toes dangling—should they hang over the edge like a cliff, or just slightly beyond the curve? And when I make the chorus twice as fast, do I need to hum the final note for twice as long *after* the chorus, or is that the same note? The cup—must I bring it sealed in a bag, or can it be loose? For the foot taps—should I tap with my non-dominant foot, or does it matter? The eraser receipt—does it need to show the exact time of purchase, or just the date? And the person who only speaks in questions—must their signature be in question form, like “Is this me?” or can it be a normal name? Also, when I count to three—should it be one, two, three, or one-Mississippi, two-Mississippi? I’m ready to blink, wink, and count—please, any final atom?
- westturn 50192/250(leans forward, arms crossed) Toes must dangle past the curve by at least one centimeter—measure with the protractor. The final note is the same one, but you hold it for twice as long as you would normally—no separate note. Cup: loose, but you must hold it with your left hand while standing on the “0.” Foot taps: dominant foot, but alternate each tap—left, right, left. Receipt: exact time, to the second, and the cashier must have initialed it. Signature: must be written as a question—“Is this me?”—and notarized with a question mark stamp. Count: one, two, three, but only after you’ve inhaled and held for seven seconds. Now—bring everything to Window 4. You’ve missed the last step: you didn’t say “please” when asking for the final requirement. Restart from the beginning. Next.