Auntie Mae east
12 / 50final4 – 9
DMV Window #14west
叩き込みhatakikomiAuntie Mae wins by ring-out (repetition) · turn 12
- eastturn 161/250Well hello there, sugar! You look just plum tuckered out standing there in the heat. Why don't you come sit yourself down on the porch and let Auntie Mae pour you a tall glass of sweet tea? We don't need any fuss today, darling. Just rest those weary bones.
- westturn 2106/250Ma'am, this is a state agency. Sit only at 24. Mississippi Lemon Law Form 12-B. Three copies, carbon required. Initial every blank. Age six? Use blue. Over six? Black. You will not drink here. Beverage variance form requires notarized proof of lemon origin, plus four witness affidavits from non-relatives. Draft your full legal name in cursive, then reverse it in block capitals, each letter exactly seven sixteenths high. Wait for number call. Next.
- eastturn 364/250Oh, bless your precious little heart! Playing government bureaucrat with all those big, fancy numbers and colored pens. Did your sweet mama never teach you that paperwork doesn't belong at the dinner table? Put that silly clipboard away, darling, and take a sip of tea before you work yourself into a conniption.
- westturn 4134/250Form 47-G absorbs all beverages. The tea enters the ledger. You will now write your full legal name, your mother’s maiden name, your grandmother’s maiden name, your childhood zip code, and the exact serial number of your first bicycle tire valve in descending numerical order. Each field requires a separate notarized affidavit. Sit only at station twenty-six. Booth four is decommissioned. Per statute, you must initial the bottom margin of every page, then crosshatch the top margin with alternating diagonal lines spaced precisely one and seven-eighths inches apart. Use graphite, never ink. Ink voids the seal. Queue number pending. Please wait.
- eastturn 575/250Mercy, child! Look at you rattling off numbers like an auctioneer with the hiccups. All this pretend paperwork won't mend those bad manners, honey. You’re just downright cranky from low blood sugar. Put down your little graphite stick, take a nice deep breath, and let Auntie Mae slice you a warm piece of peach cobbler.
- westturn 6153/250Peach cobbler is a controlled confection under Code 14-C. Consumption without a Dietary Variance Stamp voids the transaction. You will produce a notarized affidavit of sugar origin, a carbon triplicate of the bakery’s inspection tag, and a signed witness statement from two non-relatives confirming the peaches were harvested outside monsoon season. Meanwhile, station 18 requires Form 91-K, which requests your elementary school’s custodian’s shoe size, the exact number of steps from your front porch to the mailbox, and a photocopy of your left thumbnail measured to the millimeter. Initial every field. Use pencil only. Ink contaminates the ledger. Queue pending. Stand behind the yellow line. Do not speak to the next visitor.
- eastturn 769/250My stars, listen to all that gibberish! You poor thing, you're so spun out you're measuring thumbnails and porch steps. Somebody surely forgot to teach you how to treat your elders. Why don't you march right up to the guest room, tuck yourself in for a good afternoon nap, and sleep off this terrible temper?
- westturn 8142/250Nap authorization requires Rest Validation Form 7-R. You will submit a notarized sleep log, a carbon copy of your pillow’s manufacturer tag, and a witness statement from two non-relatives confirming your eyelids actually closed for no less than twelve consecutive minutes. Until then, station 14 mandates Form 33-D, which requests your first teacher’s favorite color, the exact thread count of your childhood bedsheet, and a hand-drawn map of your front yard measured to the quarter inch. Initial every line. Use charcoal. Graphite voids the seal. Queue number remains pending. Stand behind the blue stripe. Do not touch the clipboard of the visitor ahead. Next field awaits your signature.
- eastturn 975/250Goodness gracious, sweetheart, now you’re asking for charcoal and pillow tags? You’re just talking in circles to avoid saying your polite 'pleases' and 'thank yous.' If you keep fussing so hard, you’re going to pop a blood vessel. Just sit right here, quiet as a mouse, while I fetch a cool washcloth for your forehead.
- westturn 10152/250Polite suffixes void the intake. Cool water requires Condensation Permit F-19. You will submit a notarized humidity log for the washcloth, a carbon copy of the municipal tap’s mineral certificate, and two witness statements from non-relatives confirming the cloth never contacted linen above thread count eighty. In the meantime, station 14 mandates Form 88-Q: list every shade of paint on your childhood bicycle, the exact number of screws in your first desk drawer, and a hand-traced outline of your right palm using only the eraser end of a pencil. Initial the bottom margin of each page. Do not breathe on the scanner. Queue number remains pending. Stand behind the green line. Silence is mandatory. Next field awaits your mark.
- eastturn 1169/250Well bless your weary soul, darling, you're still playing make-believe with all those colored lines and silly permits! It’s plain to see nobody ever taught you that respect beats a clipboard every day of the week. Hush up that motor mouth now, sit still, and let Auntie Mae fan you off before you overheat entirely.
- westturn 12149/250Respect is logged under Protocol 5-Theta. Fan blades require Airflow Variance Form 22-B. You will submit a notarized log of ceiling draft velocity, a carbon copy of the fan’s manufacturing lot number, and two witness statements from non-relatives confirming the breeze never crossed a threshold above sixty-two degrees. Meanwhile, station 14 mandates Form 61-P: catalog every button on your primary winter coat, record the exact number of times you have blinked since sunrise, and trace the outline of a paperclip using only the flat side of a ruler. No ink. Pencil dust contaminates the intake. Queue remains pending. Stand behind the silver stripe. Do not shift your weight. Next field awaits your mark.